


Sticks and Stones

by sufferingtime



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Relationship(s), Post-Star Trek: Into Darkness, Protective Kirk, Universe Alteration, bones's shitty ex shows up and jim has to be a white knight, this fic has all kinds of issues sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 07:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7676347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sufferingtime/pseuds/sufferingtime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones thought he'd be happy to be off that godawful ship, but in the wake of ST:ID events, a ghost from Bones's past arrives, seeking redemption -- or revenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sticks and Stones

**Author's Note:**

> Turn back now if you don't like fanfic cliches ™ because this fic has them all

Bones never thought he’d see him again. He’d hoped, actually; prayed, in the early days, just halfheartedly, in case there was a God who cared. He hadn’t had a nightmare about the man’s face in months, but now, there he was, standing at the foot of the stairs that lead out of the crewman’s quarters.  
  
“Leo,” he said quietly, and it was enough to evoke a hundred memories.  
  
“Get the fuck away from me,” Bones replied, his head blank with the shock, and strode as fast as he could without running in the opposite direction.

—————— 

_Stardate 2258_

_They’d gotten out of class early that day. The buzz of conversation in the air centered around one topic — the trial flight that the professors were all preparing to send their students on. “I’ve tried getting out of it, but there’s no way, it’s mandatory,” Bones moaned.  
  
Jim laughed, like he always did. “It continues to astound me that you signed up for a mission in space, and yet you hate even standing on a roof.”  
  
Bones shook his head. “It’s not the heights. It’s more of the fact that if one tiny thing goes wrong, we could be stuck in space, slowly losing air, or crashing towards an alien planet, or blowing up — ”  
  
“Or you could be just fine,” Jim said. “Nobody’s ever died on these test flights. We’re barely going beyond our own atmosphere, and we’ll have a dozen experts doing all the work.”  
  
“You’re excited, aren’t you, kid?”  
  
“Of course I am.”  
  
“Well, shut up about it, because some of us actually have a solid head on our shoulders and know that it’s a bad idea. Two hundred students, with more than a few idiots among them…”  
  
“Am I included on that list?” Jim lifted an eyebrow.  
  
“You’re at the top,” Bones informed him.  
  
“Just the way I like it.”  
  
The day was chilly; it was only October, but a cold spell had swept over San Francisco and prompted a mass scramble to locate coats that had been put away for the year. Jim and Bones walked over the campus, Jim chattering away happily about the upcoming test flight. As much as Bones hated space and all the dangers that came with it, it amused him to watch Jim pine for it. His friend and space were like parted lovers; watching him wax on about it was one of Bones’s favorite pastimes. He was broken out of his thoughts as a man who was passing stumbled and lurched into him; Bones was forced to take a step back to avoid falling. “Watch where you’re going,” Bones told him without malice.  
  
“Sorry,” the man wheezed. He was tall, pale, blonde, and puffing. A second look told Bones that he wasn’t merely winded — he was struggling to draw breath at all.  
  
“You okay?” Bones grabbed his shoulder. The man couldn’t reply; he sat down slowly, holding his chest. “Are you asthmatic?”  
  
He nodded and gestured. “My… inhaler,” he choked, pointing toward the dorms.  
  
“Give me your key,” Bones instructed. The man, understanding that he had limited choices, obediently fished it out of his pocket; Bones handed it to Jim.  
  
“Room… 125… on the desk,” he dictated slowly; Jim nodded and took off at a jog. Bones helped the man to a bench by the side of the path; a few cadets stopped to see if they needed help.  
  
“It’s okay, his inhaler is on the way,” Bones said repeatedly until everyone moved on.  
  
After a minute of sitting still, the man’s breathing came marginally easier. “Sorry… about… this.”  
  
Bones shrugged. “It happens. What’s your name?”  
  
“Aaron,” he said, tipping his head back to try to open his airway more.  
  
“Leonard,” Bones introduced himself. “I haven’t seen you around here.”  
  
“I’m… in… engineering,” Aaron explained. “You’re… medical?”  
  
“Yeah. What, you stalking me?”  
  
Aaron smiled slightly and pointed at the building near them. “Saw you… come from… class.”  
  
“Right,” Bones muttered.  
  
It took a few minutes, but finally Jim reappeared with Aaron’s inhaler and his key. Aaron accepted both gratefully.  
  
“Thank you,” he said after he’d used his inhaler twice. “I need a keychain or something for this thing.”  
  
“Glad we could help,” Jim said brightly. “Your place is a mess, by the way.”  
  
“Jim,” Bones warned.  
  
“It’s okay, I know.” Aaron stood and smiled brightly at them both. “Thanks again.”  
  
“Yeah, we’ll see you around.” They parted ways._

 

—————— 

 

_Present Day_

He couldn’t remember his own room number, so he took his things up to Jim’s. He felt safer there anyway, in the place where they used to hang out late into the night, complaining about teachers and classes. Most of the crew stayed in the designated visitors’ quarters, but since it had overflowed this time around, with almost all the ships in for annual maintenance and crew competency checks, a lot of the Starfleet members, Bones and Jim among them, were staying in the dorms.  
  
He thought he might be calmed down by the time Jim entered, but he’d miscalculated how badly seeing Aaron would shake him. Jim burst in the door, stopping short when he saw Bones. “What’s up?” It wasn’t out of the ordinary to find him in Jim’s room, so at first, Jim didn’t register anything unusual. Bones took advantage of this, trying not to give anything away.  
  
“Just bored,” he mumbled.  
  
Jim knew him well enough that he could spot a problem as soon as he said something. “What is it?”  
  
He didn’t even bother trying to keep up the facade; Jim wouldn’t let up unless he told the truth. “Aaron’s here.”  
  
Jim folded his arms. “Oh.”

 

—————— 

 

_“Hey, it’s that Aaron kid,” Bones said, pointing him out to Jim.  
  
“I don’t see him,” Jim said, impatiently trying to pull Bones towards the elevator. “Come on, let’s get on command deck before everywhere’s taken.”  
  
“I heard they weren’t allowing anyone on deck,” Uhura said from behind them.  
  
Jim’s shoulders slumped; hopes dashed, he allowed himself to be steered through the crowd to where Aaron was. “Hey,” Bones said brightly.  
  
“How come you’re never this cheerful when I’m around?” Jim asked under his breath. Bones elbowed him.  
  
“Oh — Leonard, hey,” Aaron said, his expression lifted as he spotted them. “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be doing…”  
  
“None of us are,” Bones said, shrugging.  
  
“I wanted to find the deck,” Jim interjected, straightening. “But apparently that’s off-limits.”  
  
“Yeah, the engines and most of the engineering in general is roped off too,” Aaron said mournfully.  
  
“I take it back,” Jim sighed. “You were right, Bones, this blows.”  
  
Bones didn’t have the heart to be self-satisfied at the moment. “And yet we still have to be launched up into a void where we may or may not die horribly.”  
Aaron raised his eyebrows. “You know, I think you may be in the wrong business.”  
  
“Tell me about it, kid,” Bones grunted. Jim looked at him, and Bones felt momentarily and inexplicably guilty for using Jim’s nickname on someone else._

 

—————— 

 

“I mean, he is in Starfleet,” Jim said, “so I guess it’s not surprising.”  
  
“He was waiting in the hangar,” Bones said. “Why would he do that?” He was starting to get over the shock that seeing his ex had given him and began to get angry. “It’s like he tracked me down.”  
  
“C’mon, Bones, everyone knows the Enterprise crew,” Jim said, and Bones detected a hint of pride in his voice. “He wasn’t the only one waiting when we got off.” It was true; Bones had exited from the back of the ship to avoid precisely what he came across anyway — a milling crowd of interested cadets and even tourists, there to see the famous crew. Most of them had been nearer to the main exit, waiting to see Command, but Aaron hadn’t been alone among the people waiting to greet the medical and sciences crew.  
  
Jim hesitated to ask his next question. “You aren’t at least a little happy to see him? An old friend and all?”  
  
Bones wanted to throw up. He’d almost forgotten that Jim didn’t know everything; all Bones had told him was it had been a pretty bad breakup, and that he didn’t want to talk about it. And then they’d been off planet for a year. The memories had become painful past.  
  
“No, Jim, I’m not,” he snapped. “I never wanted to see him again.”

 

—————— 

_  
A couple months after the test flight — which everyone survived unharmed, to Bones’s relief and Jim’s slight disappointment — the two of them were walking through campus on the way to class. It was one of the few they had together, a mandatory course on general Starfleet guidelines. The name of the class was Instructive Behavior and Protocol for Interactions Outside of Earth, but since that was a mouthful, most of the cadets called it Rules 101.  
  
“All I’m saying is there’s always going to be situations where the rules don’t apply,” Jim was telling Bones.  
  
Bones sighed, blowing a cloud of his breath into the air. It was December, and the cold had moved in to stay with an icy vengeance that was rare for their area — unlike their argument, however, which was common. “Look, if you follow the rules, you don’t get in trouble. It’s not rocket science.”  
  
A third voice gave its opinion behind them. “If it were, maybe I wouldn’t have such a hard time passing this class.”  
  
They turned to find Aaron looking rueful behind them.  
  
“What, you’ve failed before?” Jim looked impressed. “It’s a dumb class, but I never thought anyone could actually fail.”  
  
Bones shoved him. “If there was ever a class you would fail, kid, it would be this one.” Both Aaron and Jim reacted like the comment had been meant for them; Jim put his hand to his heart, while Aaron looked affronted. Bones hurried to remedy this. “Honestly, I never thought you could fail anything, Aaron.”  
  
He shrugged. “It’s the memorizing that gets me. There’s just so many rules, and really weirdly specific ones that we’ll probably never use.”  
  
“The one about pens,” Jim brought up as an example. “I mean, really?”  
  
“And mattresses,” Aaron added. “Who cares if it’s a cultural blunder to check your bed for bugs? Of course I’m going to check it if I’m bunking on another planet. Even if I've slept with worse things than bugs.”  
  
“I think that one’s supposed to be a respect thing,” Bones said dryly as Jim cracked up. “Like not asking someone if they cleaned their dishes when you’re at a dinner party.”  
  
“Anyway,” Aaron said, shifting and shoving his hands inside his pockets. “I actually wanted to ask something.”  
  
“Yeah?” Jim looked up expectantly.  
  
Aaron looked awkward. “Actually, I was thinking maybe I could talk to Leo alone.”  
  
Jim blinked, and Bones’s heart accelerated. He prayed that Jim would have the good sense to overcome his tendency to be invasive, however much he wanted to know what Aaron had to say. To his relief, Jim took the hint.  
  
“All right,” he said. “See you in class, Bones.”  
  
Aaron waited until Jim was a safe distance away before he asked, all in a rush, “D’you wanna go get a drink or something sometime?”  
  
Bones was pleased. He’d been out of the romance loop for so long that to be surprised by a request from someone much bigger and much more impressive-looking than him was flattering. “I’d love to. This weekend?”  
  
“Yeah,” Aaron said decisively. “That would be great.” He grinned. “Okay, then.”  
  
“Okay,” Bones echoed. “Well, see you.”  
  
“Yeah, see you.”  
_

—————— 

 

“Just avoid him,” Jim advised, throwing his bag on his bed and starting to unpack.  
  
Bones watched him from his position leaning against the wall. “He waited over a year for me to travel millions of miles back here so he could find me. I think he’s pretty determined to talk to me.”  
  
“So talk,” Jim told him. “Be an adult.”  
  
“I can't believe I'm getting that advice from you, kid. Practice what you preach,” Bone snorted.  
  
“Yeah,” Jim said, smirking. “Look at me. I’m talking. Using my words. What a novel concept.”  
  
“We both know that if our positions were switched, you’d be out there beating him up as we speak.” Bones got up and started to help him, knowing that if he didn’t hang up Jim’s shirts, they’d stay on the floor for the duration of the week.  
  
“What do you have against the guy?”  
  
“Look, I just don’t want to deal with him.” He was being irrational from Jim’s perspective, and he knew that he couldn’t just ignore his problems forever. But he could for now, so he sat on Jim’s bed and watched him unpack, trying to calm himself down.

 

—————— 

_  
They’d been going out for two months. It hadn’t been entirely smooth. Bones was still rubbed raw from Jocelyn, and he couldn’t help comparing her and Aaron and then hating himself for doing it. But Aaron didn’t seem to mind the cautious distance he kept, and they went on weekly dates after Leo’s Saturday shifts at the med clinic ended. One night, a mild spring evening, they walked the campus afterwards, basking in the atmosphere.  
  
“... and you know, obviously I just thought, well, what’s the worst that can happen? Which was when the flight attendant forced me to sit down and strap myself down, which doesn’t bode well in many situations. Like, ‘hey, here’s your completely secure flight, please tie yourself to the ship, just in case.’ That really inspires confidence.”  
  
Aaron laughed. “You’re such a baby about traveling.” He had a habit of doing that - throwing out mild insults as jokes and then waiting for Bones to laugh along.  
  
“Well, I’m going to have to suck it up. We’re going up in a month.” Bones felt sick just talking about it.  
  
“I’m going to miss you,” Aaron admitted. He unlocked the door to his room and switched on the light. During his time with Aaron, Bones had learned a lot about the man: he was compulsively messy, casually offensive, and even though he was lanky, he had the kind of strength that came along with a 6’4” frame. His room represented him fairly well; clothes everywhere, an unmade bed, marks on the wall where he put his feet up. “I guess we’d better make the best of the time we’ve got left,” Aaron murmured, and before Bones had really taken in what was going on, Aaron had shut the door and had his hand on the light switch.  
Bones felt like prey, set upon without any kind of warning. He was surprised by Aaron’s lips on his and recoiled, tripping over something and almost falling down. Aaron caught him and deposited him on the bed.  
  
“Wait — ” Bones tried to struggle upwards into a sitting position, but Aaron shoved him down and straddled him. “Stop!”  
  
Aaron sat up. “What?”  
  
“I don’t want — ”  
  
“You don’t want me?”  
  
“That’s not - Jesus, Aaron, slow down, okay?” Bones pushed him away and scrambled back, trying to feel around for the light. “You’ve got to at least ask.”  
  
“You seemed okay with it.”  
  
“I tripped!” Bones succeeded in finding the light and snapped it on, illuminating a confused and upset Aaron. “Look, it’s not you. I just… it’s not right, not now, okay? I’m a lot older than you. Three years ago I was signing divorce papers, and I don’t think I’m ready for something like this yet.”  
  
“Three years is a long time,” Aaron pointed out. “Come on.” He stepped in again, and Bones backed away.  
  
“No,” he said firmly. “I can’t. Let’s just cool it for a bit, all right?”  
  
“You’re making a big deal out of nothing, Leo,” Aaron cajoled. “You can be such an old man sometimes.”  
  
Bones found the doorknob and twisted, but to get around it he had to step closer to Aaron, who grabbed his arm. “Get off,” Bones snapped, gritting his teeth. Aaron squeezed, hard, and for the first time Bones felt a pang of fear. Sure, Bones was a little older, and definitely stockier, but Aaron was much bigger, and wasn’t taking no for an answer.  
  
Abruptly, Aaron released him, and Bones didn’t stick around to find out why. He made a beeline for the hallway and hurried to his room, half angry, half alarmed.  
_

—————— 

 

Eventually, they had to leave Jim’s room. Bones was still on his guard, wary of running into Aaron; it didn’t help that Jim kept telling him he needed to relax.  
“I mean, why let the guy ruin your life?” He waved his hands. “You’re on Earth, you’re somewhere where nothing can boil your brains or peel your skin off or infect you with some awful alien disease. That's the closest you ever come to being happy.”  
  
“Sure,” Bones conceded as they rounded the corner into the mess hall. “But the food here still sucks.”  
  
“You’d find something to complain about in a five-star hotel,” Jim told him.  
  
“It’s a character flaw,” Bones said, completely nonchalant.  
  
“It’s endearing, in an annoying way.”  
  
“Stop, you'll make me blush.” They rounded the corner. They were on their way outside; Jim wanted to check on the Enterprise's repair progress before they went to the mess hall for dinner. Unfortunately, they didn’t get far before they ran into the very person they’d been trying to avoid.  
  
Aaron didn’t look surprised at finding them; Bones wondered if he’d been following them. “Can I talk to you?”  
  
“I don’t think — ” Bones began.  
  
“That’s a good idea,” Jim cut him off. He nudged him and gave him a look: _use your words.  
  
Yeah, because Aaron’s a big fan of words,_ Bones thought bitterly, but the next second, Jim had waved and headed off, and he was alone in the hall with the man he’d sworn never to give a second thought, let alone a second chance.

 

—————— 

_  
  
“Bones?”  
  
“Mmm?”  
  
“What’s that?”  
  
He and Jim were in Jim’s dorm room, studying. Bones’s medical books were strewn across half of the floor, and he was busy alternating between reading about the hypothalamus and trying not to fall asleep. Meanwhile, Jim had been going through flashcards so quickly that Bones was sure he couldn’t really be absorbing any information. Now, though, he’d stopped entirely and was pointing at the back of Bones’s neck.  
  
He had to rub the spot before he remembered what Jim was talking about. A couple of nights ago, Aaron had tried to come on to Bones again, and this time when he’d resisted, Aaron had held him down by the neck, shoving his face into the blankets until Bones couldn’t breathe. It was the most fear that Bones had ever felt for himself; even the claustrophobia of space hadn’t felt so threatening as those fingers, squeezing his neck. A lucky twist had pulled his head free, and then Aaron had fallen off him, giving him room to back away. Afterwards, Aaron had been apologetic, pleading with Bones to stay, promising never to force him to do anything he didn’t want to again. Against his better judgement, Bones had let himself be talked into hanging around for a few more hours. By the time he’d left, the bruise was forming darkly on his neck.  
  
“S’nothing,” Bones told Jim, sitting up so that he could shield the bruise from view.  
  
“How do you bruise your neck?” he asked incredulously.  
  
“How do you manage to be such a pain in one?” he shot back.  
  
“Touchy,” Jim mused.  
  
Knowing he wasn’t going to let it drop, Bones brought up something he knew would distract him. “I was thinking of ending things with Aaron.”  
  
The announcement had the intended effect. Jim abandoned his note cards altogether and sat up straight. “Yeah? Why?”  
  
The real reason was that Bones didn’t feel safe around Aaron anymore; whenever they were alone together, Bones always found himself keeping an eye on the exit. He knew what an abusive relationship looked like, and he knew that they were on a slippery slope. By now, he’d realized that it wasn’t Aaron he liked so much as the idea of being with someone, and that wasn’t a good reason to stay with short-tempered man. The only problem he faced was how to let him down gently. “It just doesn’t feel right,” Bones summarized evasively.  
  
“Well, good for you,” Jim said. “He was giving me the creeps.”  
  
Bones threw a note card that had drifted towards his own work at Jim. “He’s perfectly nice.” Most of the time, he added silently.  
  
“He’s not right for you,” he decided. “You’d have gone crazy if you’d stayed. Besides, he has that ugly little half-mustache thing going on. Have you ever asked him to shave that?”  
  
At first, Bones couldn’t detect what exactly the undercurrent in Jim’s voice was, but after a moment it hit him. Jim was happy. Bones hadn't noticed how he always sounded when he talked about Aaron until the bitter, jealous edge was gone from his voice.  
_

—————— 

 

“Leo — ”  
  
“It’s Leonard,” he corrected through gritted teeth. He had his arms folded, his entire body ready to storm out if necessary.  
  
Aaron’s eyes flickered with dejection, and Bones hated that he felt a flash of sympathy for the kid. “Look, I don’t want to bother you.”  
  
“It’s a little late for that,” Bones snapped.  
  
“I just wanted to apologize,” he continued. “What I did, when we were together… ”  
  
Bones kept his arms folded, trying not to let his guard down. Being near those puppy eyes reminded him that not everything had been so bad, back when they’d been together. They’d laughed a lot, and been careless, and felt free to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted to. Being with Aaron had taken years off of Bones's life, transported him back to how it had been with Jocelyn at first.  
  
“I’ve been working on it,” Aaron told him. “I’ve been taking classes, and I haven’t hurt anyone else, not since you.” He looked truly, sincerely desperate. “It was horrible, what I did. I regret every single time I ever… did something you… anything you didn’t like.”  
  
Either the kid was a good actor, or he really meant what he was saying. Bones felt himself softening; without realizing it, he’d uncrossed his arms. But warning bells were tolling so loudly in his mind that he could scarcely hear what Aaron was saying. “I’m not interested in getting back together,” he said coldly.  
  
Aaron nodded. “I understand. I wouldn’t want to either. And that’s not why I’m here.” His voice was hitching, now. “It’s just that after seeing all these reports, everything you’ve been through, how many times you could have died… I realized that I couldn’t let you go without making sure you knew that I regret everything I did.” He blinked hard, tilting his head and trying to disguise the fact that his eyes were welling with tears. “So, um… I just needed to let you know that… I feel horrible, every single day. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”  
  
Bones was torn. “Don’t — don’t do that,” he said uneasily, watching the younger man wiping at his eyes. His logic and his gut feeling were at war; on one hand, Aaron seemed sincerely, deeply remorseful. But Bones had been through the mill; he knew that people who hurt others didn’t stop at just one time. No matter how much they wanted to.  
  
His soft side won out. It was the reason why he’d become a doctor and joined Starfleet in the first place — if he’d been smart, he’d have done something less dangerous and exhausting. But he wasn’t smart and he cared too much, and he'd always told Jim it would land him in trouble someday. He stepped forward and reached a hesitating hand out, resting it on Aaron’s shaking shoulder. Aaron leaned in, and without ever really deciding to, Bones found himself holding the younger man, rubbing his back in small circles and trying to get him to calm down. It was awkward, what with Aaron being so much taller than he was. It felt like comforting a giant. It felt like holding a live bomb.  
  
“I think you should go,” Bones told him quietly.

 

—————— 

_  
  
“What did you say?”  
  
“I said, I’m done. I’m gone.” He crossed his arms and faced Aaron across the room. “I’m sorry, I just can’t deal with this anymore.”  
  
“With what?” Aaron looked shocked. “Is this about the bruise? Because I swear, it’s never going to happen again.”  
  
"It’s not about a bruise.” Bones had already chosen the words he was going to use. “It’s about the bruises. Plural. Maybe I only have one now, but I’m not about to put myself through whatever would happen if we stayed together.” He took a step forward. “Look, Aaron, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. You have a problem, and you need to get it figured out. Throwing people around, holding them down, trying to hurt them— ”  
  
“I wasn’t,” he protested. “I never tried to hurt you.” He looked miserable, scared. “Please, Leo. Don’t do this.”  
  
But all Bones could think about was how it had felt to be set upon by someone bigger, stronger, and more ruthless than he could ever imagine being. Logic told him he needed to get out of the relationship, and he’d learned a thing or two about the wisdom of logic from Spock. “I’m sorry,” he repeated. “But I’m leaving. I don’t think we’ll see each other much, not with me off planet. It’s for the best. We can still be friends, if you want, and I’ll try to help you however I can, but I don’t want you to touch me ever again.”  
  
For the first time, he detected a surge of anger in Aaron’s face. “Don’t leave,” he said, his voice a warning.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Bones turned and started for the door, anxious to be gone.  
  
When he felt the hand on his shoulder, he was surprised at how fast Aaron could move. It didn’t fully occur to him the danger he was in until Aaron had pulled him back with a furious force, hard enough to throw him to the floor.  
  
The breath was driven out of him. He scrambled up right away, testing the waters, trying to figure out how he could get out without provoking Aaron. It had been stupid of him to do this in private, in Aaron’s room, but he hadn’t wanted to make a scene. Now he regretted it. Aaron’s face was quickly morphing into a mask of rage. “I didn’t do anything wrong,” he spat. “This isn’t fair.”  
  
Bones gestured around him. “That just then? Knocking me to the ground? That was wrong, both of us know it. And it won’t happen again. To anyone. Got that?” There was a tense pause. Aaron was breathing hard, standing between Bones and the door. “Can I leave now?” Bones asked. He made for the door. Aaron shoved him. He stumbled backwards, but kept his feet this time. “You shouldn’t have done that,” Bones said quietly.  
  
“Yeah?” Aaron moved forward, trembling with anger, and shoved him again. “Should I have done that?” He kept moving forward, and each time he got close enough, he pushed Bones again.  
  
“Calm down,” Bones said, his alarm growing steadily.  
  
“You don’t have to do this,” Aaron said softly. “It doesn’t have to be like this.” Bones’s back was to the wall, now; Aaron was leaning on him, his hands on his shoulders, trapping him. Their faces were inches apart. “We can fix this,” Aaron breathed. “I can do better.” He leaned down, hesitated, and then kissed him.  
Bones wrenched his face away, a grimace twisting his mouth.  
  
Aaron hit him. Bones felt himself step backward in shock and pain. “You’re not trying,” he hissed. “You have to try to fix it.”  
  
Bones’s face throbbed where Aaron's hand has connected. “Fix this? Why would I want it?” He tried to pull himself free, but Aaron was leaning almost all of his weight in him. “It's not going to happen. Aaron, please, just be reasonable. Let me go.”  
  
“No,” he snarled. “We can work this out.”  
  
“I’ve made my decision,” Bones told him. Aaron had shifted his arm and was pressing it against his throat; it was starting to make it hard to breathe.  
“Give me a chance,” Aaron half-shouted, spit flying in Bones’s face.  
  
“Leave me alone,” Bones wheezed, pleading. To his surprise, Aaron did; he pulled his arms back, letting air back into Bones’s lung and blood back into his arm. Gasping, Bones glanced behind Aaron, to the door, wondering if it was over, if he could go.  
  
His fist came out of nowhere. He drove it into Bones’s stomach; the impact was so forceful and unexpected that Bones dropped to the floor. He’d had combat training; he and Jim had spent long hours in the gym trying to work him into shape and get him to the point where he could pass his combat practical. But this was different -- Aaron was crazy, fueled by desperation and mindless anger. Jim had always been gentle to the point of painless, but Aaron clearly had no such intentions. He was completely out of control; the first punch was rapidly followed up with a kick that made Bones’s ribs feel as though they’d been cracked. He choked, shying away from Aaron’s senseless, bullish attack. He felt his heart rate speeding up, and he fixed his eyes on the door, praying he could make it. He moved deliberately, taking Aaron’s punches and then dragging himself forward in the pause before the next.  
  
The beating might have gone on forever, past when Bones could take it, for all he knew, but some kind of sense came back to Aaron at the last second. Bones braced himself for another hit, but it never came. He glanced up and saw Aaron staring at his own bloodied hands, eyes wide. The respite offered a chance and Bones took it, hauling himself up and hobbling towards the door. He stumbled through it and slammed it behind himself, then began to limp down the hall, heart racing, breath shaky. A part of him couldn’t stop wondering what would have happened if he hadn’t gotten out of there, if he’d been just a minute later, if Aaron hadn’t stopped. Every part of him hurt. He didn’t realize where he was going until he was outside Jim’s room, and as he knocked his vision blurred and he considered that Aaron might have hurt his eyes.  
But it turned out to be tears, brimming over and mixing with the blood on his cheeks.  
  
Jim opened the door. “Holy shit, Bones.”  
_

——————————

 

Bones was antsy for the duration of the day. He had a lot to do, working in the med bay alongside Starfleet’s most accomplished medical officers in order to vet the crew and get them ready to be back on the ship. He’d nearly forgotten his own trauma, but it caught up to him piece by piece. The soreness, the bruises from combat, and the burns and scrapes from the hits the Enterprise took all added up, and each injury was starting to make itself known that morning. But more than that was the sheer exhaustion. He’d deactivated a bomb, almost been killed, watched his captain die, and brought him back to life, and the tremendous strain didn’t go unnoticed by his fatigued and overworked body. He spent the day alternating between being anxious and weary.  
  
“Doctor McCoy, sir,” one of the nurses caught his attention. “The captain requested you to be the one who does his exam.”  
  
Bones rolled his eyes. “Typical. As if I’m not already overworked enough. I’ve seen nineteen cases of PTSD, had some first-year puke all over my uniform, and now Jim thinks I’m at his beck and call.”  
  
The nurse laughed. “Just grab some fresh scrubs before you head in, I’m sure he’ll wait.”  
  
“Ha, ha. Have you met him?” Bones stopped only briefly in the supply closet, snagging a clean shirt and heading into the exam room.  
  
“Bones!” Jim visibly brightened as he came into the room. “I thought you might ditch me. Is that vomit?”  
  
“Kid, if I was allowed to ditch people in this line of work, I’d never see another patient.” Bones pulled off the dirty shirt. He felt Jim’s eyes on his back and realized too late that this was the first time Jim had seen the year-old scars. He slipped the new shirt over his head and cleared his throat. “Your turn. Get into a gown.”  
  
Jim whined, but ultimately did as he was told while Bones waited with his back turned. “This seems unnecessary. You resurrected me, I figured you could just sign off on my papers based on, I don’t know, being my doctor.”  
  
“Alive doesn’t mean healthy,” Bones said. Both of them were attempting to shake off the moment, but Jim’s eyes lingered on his covered skin. “Get in a gown.”  
  
“Wow, you’re like an awful version of Cinderella’s fairy godmother.” Jim had no compunctions about removing his clothes, stripping shamelessly down to his boxers and shrugging on the gown. He sulked as Bones took his temperature, peeved that he hadn’t got his way. “I’m going to be late.”  
  
“For what?”  
  
“I don’t know, but it’s going to be your fault.”  
  
“Uh-huh. Put your arms out to your side.” Bones moved the tricorder over the length of Jim’s body, getting a green light through the whole scan. “Well, nothing’s broken, so that’s a miracle.” He started his visual exam, checking Jim’s eyes, mouth, ears, and finally sliding his gown down and examining his chest and back. Jim may have been taken aback by Bones’s scars, but Bones was well acquainted with Jim's. Each one he sported was an old story that he told loud and proud to anyone who would listen. Fights, accidents, or battles, every scratch had a heroic tale attached, and every year there was less and less unmarked skin for Bones to examine. And as always, there were the oldest scars, the ones that Jim never told stories about; they were the most faded, but Bones knew they were the most painful. Bones slid the gown back into place and came around the table. “All right, well, the usual. Space is bad for you, blah blah blah, please stop getting into fights with aliens, et cetera.”  
  
“What, no prostate exam this time?”  
  
Bones threw his clothes at him. “No. I don’t care if your penis turns green and falls off.”  
  
Jim adopted a lecturing tone. “I don’t think it’s safe to risk my health, you know. And anyway, you were supposed to be the professional. I wasn’t the one who blushed through the whole exam — ” He had to duck as Bones threw his shoes at him one by one.  
  
“Fucking idiot,” Bones muttered, closing the door and walking back towards the nurses’ station.

 

————————————

 _  
  
“Bones, just give me the name of who did it. I’ll go find him right now and fuck his shit up.”  
  
“I told you, it was dark,” Bones said. “I didn’t see who it was.” The lie was starting to come easier now that he’d said it over and over, trying to convince Jim that this wasn’t something he could fight. At first he hadn’t really known why he didn’t tell Jim the truth, but as soon as he saw the pure outrage in his friend’s eyes, he knew it had been the right choice. Aaron might deserve to die, but Jim didn’t deserve to go to jail for it.  
  
Jim couldn’t calm down. He paced the room, driving his fist into his hand. “I can’t believe this! And the cops aren’t going to do anything at all?”  
  
“They said they’d check security footage and put out a patrol to try to find the guy, but they aren’t hopeful.” Of course, they had said no such thing, because Bones had never called them. He wasn’t protecting Aaron. He could handle this himself; there was no need to get authorities involved. At least, that’s what he told himself.  
  
“Okay, well, let’s get you down to the hospital wing,” Jim said, striding to the door.  
  
“No,” Bones protested. If his lie reached the whole school, this would never die down, and all he wanted was to put it behind him. “I’m a doctor. I’d know if I wasn’t okay. It’s the middle of the night, we don’t need to wake anyone.”  
  
Jim threw his hands into the air. “Will you at least let me get you some water or something?”  
  
“Water would be nice.” Bones shivered. He set down the ice pack he was holding to his face to accept the glass. He was sitting on the floor, his back against Jim’s bed, blood smudging the carpet around him. He’d stopped crying. He’d stopped everything, in a way. He talked quietly, he didn’t look up, and most of all, he forced himself not to think or feel. His body hurt, but more than that, his mind was reeling. He’d trusted Aaron, loved him, even, and that had almost gotten him killed. He felt sick, empty, cold.  
  
Jim sat beside him. “Maybe you should get some rest. Or maybe not, I don’t know, is it safe for you to go to sleep? Medically speaking?”  
  
Whether or not it was safe, now that Jim had mentioned it, sleep was all Bones wanted. An escape from what had happened. A place where he didn’t have to try so hard to block out the thoughts that chased each other around his head. “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” The words felt ironic. “You’re right, sleep will help. I better get back to my room.”  
  
Jim snorted. “You think I’m letting you out of my sight?” Jim helped him up and Bones slid into his bed, too numb to argue. “After the scare you gave me, you’re gonna be lucky if I let you pee on your own from now on.” He turned out the light, and Bones let himself relax a little in the cover of darkness. “Hand me one of those pillows, I’ll sleep on the floor.”  
  
Bones hesitated. “Jim… could you…” The words stuck in his throat. “I need you.” _ I need someone I can trust. Someone who won’t hurt me. Someone to be beside me through the night. _He didn’t have to say it. Jim understood. He stayed with Bones, carefully slipping his arm over Bones’s side, laying his chin gently on his shoulder. A tiny bit of relief pushed its way into Bones’s bruised heart, and he let himself drift off.  
_

——————————————— 

 

“Captain James T. Kirk, in good health,” Bones reported, handing off the file to the nurse. “So that’s it for the number of times I’ll put his name next to the word ‘good’ in a sentence.”  
  
The nurse smiled knowingly. “But you aren’t blushing this time, so it must have gone better than last time.”  
  
“Jesus Christ. That’s my cue to leave.” Bones snatched the electronic chart for his next appointment and headed to the exam room that pulsed gently at the top of the screen. He didn’t check the name. If he had scrolled down, he might have seen the medical history: chronic asthma, seeing a psychologist about anger management issues. But he didn’t, so it was with a short-lived polite smile plastered on his face that he opened the door and stopped just short of delivering his usual greeting. “Aaron,” he said instead, the fear in the word involuntary. “How did you get in here?”  
  
Aaron stood, and Bones felt the walls of the exam room close in around him. “We should talk.”  
  
“Get away from me,” Bones warned him, backing up. “We already talked. I’m leaving, and as soon as I’m gone, you’re going to walk out of here and never come back.”  
  
Aaron shook his head. “I’m a cadet, you’re a doctor. You’re medically responsible for me. Walking out of this room is lawful neglect. I looked it up.”  
  
“You set a trap for me?” Bones felt a surge of anger, all the hatred and fear and betrayal he’d pushed down for years coming up his throat like vomit. “I don’t believe this.” He stepped backwards, backing into the hallway.  
  
“You can’t leave,” Aaron reminded him.  
  
“Watch me.” Bones spun and all but ran from the exam room, not stopping until he’d put enough distance between himself and Aaron to ease some of the panic that clouded his mind every time he saw the figure from his nightmares.

 

———————————

_  
The morning was too bright for Bones’s burning eyes. He got up before Jim, sliding out from under his warm, heavy arms and crawling out of bed, wincing the whole way. He used Jim’s shower, clenching his teeth against the pain of scrubbing his tender skin. The blood ran down his body and swirled into the drain, turning the water pink at his feet. When he dried his hair, the towel came away streaked with red.  
  
He sat on the toilet and assessed himself. It hurt to breathe too deeply; he most likely had a cracked rib or two, which he would bind later with supplies he'd stolen from the classroom to practice with. His face looked like a swollen plum, all different shades of reds and purples and blues blossoming on the planes of his cheeks and around his eyes. The battering had left his abdomen a mass of cuts from the edge of Aaron’s boots, and his back was scraped raw from where he’d been shoved against the wall. A distinct handprint was forming on his neck.  
  
He jumped at a knock on the door. “Bones? Are you okay?” The question caught him off guard. He wasn’t. But out there was a man who was worried for him, who wanted him to be able to answer that question with a ‘yes’. So he stood up and went to him, the only person who didn’t scare him, the only thing that made him feel safe.  
_

————————————

 

The conference room was never really used for conferences. Generations of cadets had found the nickname 'courtroom' more appropriate, as it served as the place where Starfleet evaluated misdemeanors and doled out punishments. Bones had only gotten in trouble at the Academy when Jim was responsible, so it was an unfamiliar feeling to be facing Jim as his captain instead of sitting beside him, defending him as his friend. Jim clearly felt the oddness of the situation, and was trying to keep things lighthearted. Spock, who’d been been brought in as the voice of reason, didn’t bother setting either of them at ease. “Doctor McCoy, you’ve been asked to explain your actions today.”  
  
Bones shrugged. “Aaron’s an asshole. Get another doctor to treat him.”  
  
Jim smiled slightly. “I trust your assessment of the man, Bones, but it’s your job. You can’t just refuse to do your job over a stupid grudge.”  
  
His throat tightened. Jim didn’t know what he was saying, but it hurt just the same. “I wouldn’t be able to examine him impartially and without getting distracted. Get someone who can do it better.”  
  
“If it affects his job performance, I believe we should respect his wishes and transfer the case to another doctor. The patient in question is not part of the Enterprise crew, so medical responsibility does not fall exclusively on McCoy.” Spock made the decision for Jim, who was shaking his head in disbelief. “The committee has requested a three-day suspension, which I support in light of your unprofessional behavior.”  
  
“Get off your high horse, Spock, or I’ll show you unprofessional behavior,” Bones snapped at him, but his anger was halfhearted and he couldn’t help feeling relieved. Aaron wouldn’t be able to find him if he didn’t have to work.  
  
Of course, Jim wouldn’t let it go that easily. “I’m your captain, Bones. I could tell you to get in there and do what you’re supposed to, and you wouldn’t be able to say no. Why shouldn’t I?”  
  
Bones didn’t meet his eyes. “Don’t get dramatic with me, kid.”  
  
“I’m serious, Bones, you’re a grown-ass man. You have to get over your ex sooner or later. He’s Starfleet, you two might end up on a mission together someday. We can’t have crew members fighting.”  
  
“No.” He stood abruptly. “I’d give up my position here before I ever got on a ship with him.”  
  
“You don’t mean that.” Jim grabbed his arm as he tried to leave. “Bones, this isn’t you. What’s going on? What aren’t you telling me?” Bones pulled himself free and walked out. He was brimming with fury. He was being punished, but if they knew why he’d acted the way he had, Aaron would have been the one in that seat instead of him. He knew he had no right to be angry with Jim, but his obliviousness meant that Bones was alone, without the man who was supposed to protect him. He was the only person who could keep Bones safe, but he didn’t know how to, which meant Bones was completely vulnerable. 

 

————————————

 _  
Bones felt the same way about combat training that most people felt about math class. He didn’t know when he’d ever use it, didn’t see a purpose for learning it, but since it was required, he dutifully showed up and complained the entire time. The Enterprise crew had long since moved from the Academy to a pre-flight station, where the very last stage of intensive training took place before their mission. Their days were relentless work, both in general sessions that everyone was required to attend and specialized seminars on their particular roles on the ship. It wasn’t uncommon for Bones to go straight from the lab to the gym, but today he made a pit stop at Jim’s room. His friend answered the door, bare-chested and messy-haired. “Did you just wake up?” Bones asked in disbelief.  
  
“Shit. What time is it?”  
  
“You missed your morning classes,” Bones informed him. “And you’re about to make us late for combat training.” They were indeed late, to Bones’s frustration, but plenty of other cadets were having a hard time making it from class to class on time too, so they weren’t alone as they hurriedly changed into athletic wear. The short sleeves showed what was left of Bones’s yellowing bruises in an unflattering light.  
  
They joined the others in a long line against the wall. In front of them, a dozen foam pads served as makeshift boxing rings. Their instructor paired them up based on size and skill level, which meant that Jim and Bones wound up on opposite sides of the room. “Good luck,” Jim said, bouncy and excited. He loved combat training. “You’ll need it.”  
  
“What I need is a drink and a nap,” Bones groaned, rolling his eyes and stepping onto the mat the instructor had indicated. His partner was much taller than him, but rail-thin and looked like he was barely out of puberty. Bones nodded in greeting, then turned back to watch Jim and Uhura on their mat. “Go easy on him,” he called.  
  
Uhura grinned. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”  
  
The instructor paced between rows. “All right, cadets. This is practice only, so nobody goes to the medical wing today, please. Now, before we really get into training, let’s do a preliminary exercise. Whichever partner is closer to the door is now the threat. They're the hostile alien who wants to use your intestines for a ritual sacrifice.” Bones’s partner glanced at the door behind him and steeled himself. “The other partner must defend him or herself against an attack. This is meant to be as real-world as possible, so attackers, give it all you’ve got.” He stepped backward and blew his whistle. There was a few second of quiet murmuring as everyone awkwardly processed the task at hand. Predictably, Uhura and Jim were the first to start the drill, Uhura throwing herself at Jim, an aggressive smile on her face. One by one, the rest of the pairs joined in, some laughing as they threw their first punches. Bones looked at his own partner and waited, not sure what to expect. The man didn’t seem to know either, and they stood uncomfortably still until the instructor passed by. “Is there a problem here?”  
  
“No, sir,” his partner said. The instructor gestured impatiently —_ Well then? _— and the taller man brought his fists up. He took a step towards Bones, who raised his own arms in preparation.  
  
Something happened in the split second before the man delivered the first hit. Something in Bones’s brain went into overdrive. It tripped all the sensors in his body, delivered a rush of adrenaline in the form of pure terror. His partner never got to finish the offensive move. Bones lashed out, blindingly landing a sucker punch directly in the man’s face, forcibly slamming him to the ground.  
  
“Hey!” The instructor’s shout was the first thing to reach his ears once the buzzing in his head had faded. He became aware of his surroundings again all at once. The room had gone quiet, every one of the students standing still, every eye trained on Bones. The cadet he’d knocked down scrambled backward, blood dripping from under the hand he held to his nose.  
  
“Bones?” Jim came running. He stopped just short of touching him, eyes full of concern. Bones bridged the gap, grabbing Jim’s arm to steady himself. “Are you okay? What happened?”  
  
“He came at me, and I just —” He couldn’t describe how deep the fear had gone, how the only thought in his head had been _ not again _. “I’m sorry,” he tried to tell his partner, who was picking himself up off the floor. “I don’t know what happened.”  
  
“Did you hear what I said?” the instructor blustered. “Did my words make it through that thick skull?”  
  
“Hey,” Jim said. “Lay off him. Come on, Bones.” He took Bones’s hand and led him past all the staring faces, out of the room, and into the hall. Bones trailed behind him, his heart racing. All he could hear in his head was Aaron's voice, the shouts echoing through time and distorting his grip on the present.  
_

——————————————

 

Three days was a long time for someone with Bones’s philosophy of all work and no play. He spent most of the first day on a bender. Jim visited him that night, found him nearly blackout drunk, and helped get him cleaned up and in bed. The whole time, Bones watched the concern on Jim’s face and pondered the mystery of Jim’s view of him. He’d never seen his captain really worry for someone. Even when Spock was in danger in the volcano on Nibiru, he’d only expressed anger that he might lose him and determination to get him back. He hadn’t even seemed upset when it was him dying, alone in the engine room. But when he saw Bones drinking, or acting out, or isolating himself, worry lines started to form around those pretty blue eyes. “You can’t stay in here the whole time,” Jim said. “You were suspended, not sentenced to death.”  
  
“We go back up in one week,” Bones said stubbornly. “I can wait it out in here.”  
  
“What’s so bad about Aaron? Why are you making this such a big deal?” Jim was getting frustrated again. “You dated, you broke up. If all he wants is to apologize, I think you should let him.”  
  
“Don’t stick your nose in other people’s business,” Bones said, grouchy. “Him and I are over.”  
  
“I’m not asking you to get back together, but for the sake of everyone on this base, will you two please sort your shit out?” He didn’t understand, and Bones knew that that wasn’t his fault, but the words infuriated him. “All I’m asking is you hear what he has to say, you compromise with him, you do whatever you need to to make peace, and then you guys can get restraining orders for all I care. But this drama that’s been going on? I’m over it, Bones.”  
  
Bones didn’t know how to reply without yelling. How was it that Jim was accusing him of being uncooperative, unprofessional, and downright rude, and Aaron was coming across as the level-headed and reasonable one? _He_ knew his behavior was justified, but to everyone else, he was just being an asshole.  
  
He woke on the second day and felt a little better. He didn’t have to work, he didn’t have to see Aaron, he didn’t even have to talk to Jim if he didn’t want to. For a while, he had toyed with the idea of coming clean to him. He really needed someone in his corner, but he didn’t want to drag out a past that was already behind him. If he could board the Enterprise and leave without ever having to talk about what happened at the Academy, he would count himself lucky.  
  
But luck was never on Bones’s side. The only thing on his side was a well-meaning Jim, and that evening, that toured sour. The knock on his door wasn’t a surprise; Bones had been expecting Jim to head straight to his room at the end of the day. What he didn’t expect to find when he opened the door was that Jim had brought a visitor. “No,” Bones said immediately, staring past his friend at Aaron. “Jim, what did you tell him?”  
  
“Calm down, Bones,” Jim said, leading the way into the room. “You two are adults. You are going to talk, and you are going to decide if you can be friends. If you can’t, then you’ll decide how to avoid one another for the remainder of our stay. Once you’ve figured out something that will work, I can go back to the Board and prove to them that my chief medical officer isn’t crazy.”  
  
“What do you mean? The Board heard about this?”  
  
Jim nodded. “Spock told them he thinks you’re under some kind of psychological stress, and the Board is considering grounding you for the remainder of the mission.”  
  
Bones felt his blood go cold. “They’d take everything away over this piece of shit?” He pointed at Aaron, whose eyes briefly flashed with anger. “Jim, you have to know how stupid that is.”  
  
“Prove that _you_ know how stupid it is. Work it out, and everything will be okay. But Bones…” He hesitated. “If you can’t fix things, we might never see each other again. I’d leave on the Enterprise, and you’d stay at Starfleet. I don’t think either of us would be okay if that happened. So please, just this once, do something for me. For both of us.” He held Bones’s eyes for a long second, and then left the room, closing the door and shutting Aaron and Bones in by themselves.

 

————————————

_  
Thanks to Jim, Bones didn’t face disciplinary action for the combat training mishap. Jim went back in and smoothed things over, either lying or twisting the truth, Bones would never know, because he sat in the hallway outside the classroom and cried. It started as soon as Jim left him by himself. Everything he’d been trying to forget about came back from the corner of his mind where he’d shoved it, and all the pent-up emotions spilled out at once. It was like he’d been transported back to that night. He tried to breathe normally and wipe the tears away, ashamed of himself, but he was still sobbing when Jim came back.  
  
“Hey,” Jim said, startled. “It wasn’t that bad. The guy’s gonna live.”  
  
“I know,” Bones choked. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”  
  
Jim sat beside him. “Better to get it out now than wait for a reason, I guess.” He sat with Bones while he slowly calmed down and regained control of himself. Class ended, and the halls started to fill with cadets. Bones wiped the last of the tears from his face, trying to salvage the remains of his dignity. Jim helped him to his feet. “Well, a day like that deserves a drink, don’t you think?”  
  
Bones nodded. “I have scotch in my room.”  
  
“Of course you do.” Jim sighed, but followed him to the dorms and waited while he unlocked the door, flipped on the lights, and found a couple of plastic cups. He poured a healthy amount for them and capped the bottle.  
  
“I’d like to propose a toast,” Bones said ironically. “To public mental breakdowns.”  
  
Jim raised his glass. “To getting through them.” Two hours later, most of the alcohol was gone. The world looked much brighter through drunk eyes, and Bones had finally loosened up enough to laugh again. Jim was sitting with his back against the wall, telling terrible jokes, and Bones had his head on Jim’s legs, cracking up at even the worst of them.  
  
“Okay, okay, I’ve got one,” Bones said, waving his hand for Jim to shut up. “What would Spock say if he got a cat?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Live long and pros-purr.” Bones barely got the words out through fits of laughter. His drunk sense of humor was awful, but his giggling was infectious, and Jim couldn’t help joining in.  
  
“That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”  
  
“Want to hear something dumber?” Bones sat up, using Jim’s thigh to steady himself, and leaned in to whisper in his ear. “Jim Kirk.” He sniggered. “Get it? Because you’re the dumbest thing in the world?”  
  
“Bones, you’re so drunk.” Jim leaned back to be able to see his face. “It’s a good look on you.”  
  
“Everything’s a good look on me.” Bones’s words were slurring together. He swayed, hovering a few inches away from Jim’s face. They shared a moment, quietly, Jim staring at Bones the way he did sometimes, like he’d never seen him before, like he was being shown something amazing. Seconds passed, and they stayed that way, an unspoken question in the air. Their faces were inches from each other, but as Jim made his decision and leaned in, Bones slipped away. “I’m sorry, Jim. I can’t.”  
  
“Sorry,” Jim said quickly, embarrassed. “I didn’t mean -- It’s not like that. Well, it is for me, but if you don’t feel the same, don’t worry. This doesn’t make our friendship weird, or anything.”  
  
“No, I don’t mean like that. I do feel the same. I want to be able to do this. I want you. But right now, with everything…” He didn’t know how to explain it. “I’m just not ready.”  
  
Jim nodded. “Okay.” He stood. “I should go.”  
  
“Don’t be mad,” Bones pleaded, his heart dropping.  
  
“Bones,” Jim said, quietly, “I could never be mad. I’ll wait for you to be ready. Take as long as you need, I’m not going to leave you.”  
_

————————————————

 

Bones broke the silence first. “Okay, let’s say until I leave, you stay out of the medical wing. If you have to come down for whatever reason, call ahead and I’ll leave. I’ll get a hotel room so we won’t run into each other in the morning or night.”  
  
“Leonard, stop it,” Aaron said plaintively. “Come on, it doesn’t have to be like this.”  
  
“You made it like this,” Bones shot back. His arms were crossed, and he stood by the door, warning bells going off in his head. He wouldn’t make the mistake of leaving himself open to attack again. “That night, you made a choice, and you don’t get to undo it by being sorry.”  
  
“What else can I do?” Aaron asked. “Am I just going to be the bad guy forever, all because of one mistake?”  
  
Bones began to pace. “Don’t you see how I am trying to help you? I never told anyone. Not a soul. I took care of myself, I dealt with what you did to me, and I put it behind me. I let you start a new life, and the only condition was that I wasn’t in it.”  
  
“I’m supposed to say thank you for that?” Aaron moved forward, and Bones put his hand on the doorknob. “Leo, you left me. I was heartbroken.”  
  
Bones choked out a laugh. “Well, I was literally broken. Two of my ribs, in fact. That’s just scratching the surface of what you did to me.”  
“I’m saying I’m sorry.”  
  
“And I’m saying fuck off.” Bones didn’t like the idea of leaving all of his possessions in Aaron’s reach, but if it was between that and his own safety, he decided he'd risk leaving him alone in the room. He wrenched open the door, stepped into the hallway, and walked away, praying that for once Aaron would have the decency to leave him alone. Footsteps behind him dashed that hope. Bones moved fast. _Jim’s room,_ he told himself silently, giving his mind a goal to focus on to keep him from panicking. _Jim will be able to help._  
  
“Leo!” The rage in Aaron’s voice was clear now. Students around them jumped and looked affronted by the disturbance. “You can’t keep running from me!”  
  
“The hell I can’t,” he said through gritted teeth. He climbed the stairs, and from there he could see Jim’s room door. He was almost there — and then he felt a hand on his arm.  
  
“You’re being a child,” Aaron snarled. “I’ve tried everything I can, I’ve apologized every way I know how. What will it take for you to listen to me?”  
  
“At this point? A fucking miracle,” he spat.  
  
Aaron’s eyes closed off, shuttered down the same way they had a year ago. His grip became more powerful, his movements methodical. He dragged Bones down into the stairwell where no one could see them and threw him to the ground. “I can’t believe I ever saw anything in you,” he hissed. “You’re pathetic. You’re stupid, weak. Everything you touch turns to shit. Look at me! I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you.” His fingers were around Bones’s throat, tightening with every word he said. “You make me so angry, Leo. You make me want to hurt you. You make me into this person — you do this to yourself.” Bones couldn’t breathe. He could feel his pulse, throbbing behind his eyes like his head was about to burst. He scraped against Aaron’s hold in vain, and the world around him spun and slowly started to turn black. “Do you hear me? You have no right to act all high and mighty when all of this is your fault.”  
  
“Bones?” He heard his nickname like he was dreaming. Of course, when he was dying, he’d think of Jim. He’d been so stupid, to turn him down all that time ago, when it was horribly obvious that Jim would have been the best thing about the life he was losing.  
  
Then, suddenly, the crushing pressure lifted from his windpipe. He gasped in air so fast it felt like his lungs ripped. His hands gripped the stair railing, keeping him upright, and his senses came back in degrees, along with his shattered awareness of what was going on. Aaron was on the floor. Jim stood over him, hands curled into firsts, his chest heaving.  
  
“Kid,” Bones said hoarsely. “I think I love you.”  
  
Jim turned to him. “Are you okay?”  
  
“Been better.” He coughed. “Where did you come from?”  
  
Jim laughed shakily. “I think I’m developing a sixth sense for when you’re about to die.” He looked down at Aaron. “Should I get campus security?”  
Bones shook his head, cringing at the feeling. “No. Go straight to the police. I have a case that he’ll need a hell of a lawyer to get out of.” Jim sent a request to the police from his PADD as Aaron started to protest.  
  
“Leo,” Aaron begged from the floor. “Don’t get the police involved. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I told you, I’m getting help, I’m getting better. It’s not going to happen again.”  
  
“Once is one time too many,” Bones growled. “I've been way too forgiving. I’m not going to let you hurt anyone else.”  
  
Jim looked between them. “This has happened before?”  
  
Bones addressed Aaron directly. “I never got a chance to talk to you after we broke up, and I didn’t want to, but if this is the last time we’ll ever be face to face, then I’m going to take the opportunity to say everything I should have.” He took a deep breath and tried not to think about Jim’s worried eyes trained on him. “I couldn’t trust anyone after what you did. I couldn’t date, I couldn’t even shake hands with anyone, because if someone I trusted enough to be in a relationship with could hurt me like you did, then who knew what the closest friends and colleagues were really capable of? The only one I would let anywhere near me was Jim. You destroyed my life so completely that I was _relieved_ to leave the planet. You don’t get to be forgiven for something like that.”  
  
Jim put two and two together. “It was him,” he said slowly. “That night you said you got mugged?”  
  
“I wasn’t ever supposed to see him again. It wasn’t going to be a problem, but he had to go and make life hard for himself.” A few people were starting to gather and watch the scene play out. Aaron still hadn’t gotten up off the floor, perhaps afraid of the threatening light in Jim’s eyes.  
  
“Bones, why didn’t you tell me?” Jim looked sickened. “I shut you in a room with him. It's my fault he hurt you.”  
  
“Don't do that to yourself." All of the attention made him uncomfortable, and he just wanted to get to the med bay and get himself painkillers. “You couldn’t have known that I wasn’t being my usual stubborn self. No one else needs to be hurt over this.”  
  
“I don’t know, I think he could benefit from a taste of his own medicine.” Jim glared at Aaron, who shrank back, but Bones pulled Jim away.  
  
“I’ve had enough violence,” Bones told him, his voice raspy. “I just want to get out of here.” They had to wait for the police to arrive and take down their statements, and the whole time Aaron shouted in the background, alternating between begging Bones to help him and hurling infuriated insults at his back. Bones was starting to feel himself waver, but he closed his eyes and reached for Jim’s hand, finally, surprisingly finding the peace that had escaped him in the year that had passed. It was over one way or another; Jim knew, now, and Bones knew he’d stop at nothing to keep Aaron away from him forever. Finally, the officers gave them permission to leave, and Bones led the way to the familiarity of Starfleet’s medical classrooms, where he knew he could find something to numb his throat. “It’s been a while since I’ve been down here. It’s like being a student again,” he commented, regretting using his voice when the words scraped his throat.  
  
Jim followed him around the darkened, empty lab. “Bones?”  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“When you said all of that, about me being the only one you could trust…”  
  
Bones faced him. “I’m going to say this in as few words as possible, because it hurts to talk. I was stupid last year. Jim, you have to know how important you are to me. I hate space, I hate spaceships, I hate aliens, I hate that I have to worry every single day if I’ll live to see the next one. I hate not knowing who I’ll have to say goodbye to next. And yet, I’m on that ship with you, and I go through all of it every day, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world. In the galaxy, really. I know why I’m doing it now. I’m doing it for you. I'd do anything for you.”  
  
Jim was speechless for a second. “Who knew there was a romantic buried in there?”  
  
Bones snorted. “I was married, you cocky bastard, don’t think you’re special.” He filled a beaker with water and uncapped a bottle of painkillers, but before he could take them, Jim leaned in and kissed him. It was absolutely quiet in the lab besides the two of them, and for those few seconds, Bones felt like they’d escaped the world and made one of their own. The kiss was long overdue; Bones felt like he was receiving something he'd been waiting on for years. “Okay, maybe you’re a little special,” Bones admitted breathlessly.  
  
“Thought so.” Jim’s mouth curved up against Bones’s. They broke apart, but as Bones took his pills and washed out the cup, he was amazed at how much had changed in those few seconds. He finally had everything he needed to move forward, which, as it turned out, hadn’t been a thing at all, but a person. They walked out of the lab together, and despite all of their scars, old and new, they didn’t feel damaged.

 

—————————————

_  
If Leonard McCoy had been told that someday, he’d follow the man he loved to the stars, he’d have laughed out loud. No, he’d have said, I’m going to stay with my family, on this planet where nothing explodes and no one dies unexpectedly. He’d have told you he’s happy with his life and he’s sticking to it.  
  
And yet, the day of graduation, the day before he was scheduled to ship out with the crew of the Enterprise, he wouldn’t have been happy any other way. He’d developed pride in the uniform he wore, and an affection for the people around him. God help him, he was even excited to start his new life in the vastness of space, although he’d never admit it out loud. Walking across the stage and receiving his diploma had been an experience he would never forget. He was part of something big now. He’d be remembered long after he was dead as the heroic, if snarky, medical officer that flew for five years with the Enterprise. Maybe someday they’d even trade stories about the doctor’s captain and how much the pair meant to each other.  
  
The valedictorian was wrapping up the ceremony. “And now, I want you all to bring out the Starfleet ID tags you’ve carried with you every day of your training. They’ve served not only as your identification, but as a symbol of your pride, your ambitions, and your progress. Today we honor our tradition of appreciating the people who brought us this far by passing the tags on to them. We invite you to ask yourself who has helped you the most, who has been with you through your time here, and who you hope will stand by you as you begin your new adventure. As we pass on our tags and turn our attention to the stars, we are all facing unexplored territories, but we face them together, as a crew, as friends. As family.”  
  
The music swelled, cuing the end of the official ceremony and the beginning of what would be a night of celebration. Families descended on their cadets, some of them in tears. Bones ducked through the crowd, searching for one person in particular.  
  
Jim and his mother were embracing by the podium. His mother had her eyes squeezed shut, and her hands gripped her son like she might never let go. Bones couldn’t imagine how hard this would be for her, to watch her son disappear into the night sky that claimed the life of her husband, but she knew as well as anyone that it was the only true home for a Kirk. She stepped back, dry-eyed, strong as only a life of loss and love will make a person. Jim’s tags hung from her weathered fingers.  
  
“Bones,” Jim greeted him.  
  
“Do you have a minute?” he asked hesitantly. Jim nodded and stepped away from the chaos, following Bones to a quieter corner.  
  
“What is it?” Jim prompted when he didn’t speak.  
  
“I wanted you to have this.” He opened his hand and offered the tags. His name, date of birth, ID number, and rank were embedded in the metal. When it came down to it, that was all he had now. Starfleet was his home, and the people in it his family. “They say you have to ask yourself if you’d have failed or given up if you didn’t have a certain person in your life. If the answer to the question is yes, then you pass your tags on to that person, to make sure they know how important they are to you.” Jim took them, his eyes trained on Bones’s. “You’re the best thing about my life right now. Maybe you’ll be the best thing about it ever. And I just wanted you to know that if that turns out to be true, it wouldn’t be half bad.”  
  
Jim’s smile combined all the things about him that Bones liked best. His kindness, his heart, his passion, his enthusiasm. “You ready to be stuck up there with me for five years?”  
  
Bones chuckled. “Not at all.” He looked around him at all of the cadets, the people he’d started this journey with, the people he’d grow to love and care for by the end. Every face was full of hope and excitement in equal parts. “But you know, I think I’m getting there.”_


End file.
